The most common sexual fantasies can be counted on the fingers of the hands. It is clear that each person has their own but there are some common denominators. Social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller interviewed 4,175 Americans about their sex lives. It is possibly the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies in the United States to date.
In interviews, he asked people about their sex lives and how often they fantasized about people. He also questioned specific places and things in an attempt to break down the stigma surrounding sexuality. The results have led him to write a book on this topic. «My biggest hope for the book is that it will help people better understand their own fantasies. It will help them feel less shame, shame and anxiety about them.»
Among the most peculiar findings are accounts of sexual attraction to belly buttons, armpits and even cars. However, Dr. Lehmiller also discovered many erotic desires that apparently bring us together.
The most common sexual fantasies
- Threesome: 89% of respondents said they imagined having a threesome with other people. Lehmiller also found that heterosexual men were more likely to fantasize about having a threesome with two women; while heterosexual women showed no preference for gender.
- BDSM: 65% of the participants fantasized about receiving pain in the form of spanking, biting, or dripping hot wax. Most fantasized about at least one act of BDSM; while women had «slightly more frequent» wishes to give control to their partner.
- Switch things up: Whether it’s changing position, location, or partner, Lehmiller found that a lot of people fantasized about mixing up their usual sexual routine. For example, if they generally had sex in bed, they would fantasize about a public setting; If they were in a relationship, they would fantasize about having sex with another person.
- Sex in public: the location was one of the biggest fantasies for women. Most revealed that they often fantasized about having sex in a public place. Some of the main places mentioned include the office, the park and an elevator.
- Open relationships: a large number of participants revealed that they would like to have sex with other people if their partner approved. 79% of the men and 62% of the women had fantasized about having an open relationship; while 58% admitted that they thought about watching their partner have sex with other people.
- Meaningful sex: Most men and women reported that they crave «meaningful» sex. That is, the sex that makes them feel wanted, appreciated, and loved.
Same-sex encounters: Although many of the participants identified as heterosexual, a large number said they had same-sex fantasies.