Make friends as an adult. In today’s culture saturated with social media, the prospect of making friends offline can feel more daunting than ever. While most of us make digital connections every day with joy, getting closer to people in real life is more of a nuanced art; particularly when their intentions are purely platonic.
Obviously, it is something that many people struggle with. A recent study by Campaign to End Loneliness revealed that more than half of UK adults feel they have not made a new friend in «a long time». Although making friends as an adult may seem like the easiest thing in the world when you’re constantly surrounded by people at school and college, it’s much more complicated than being a full-fledged adult. You meet fewer people and travelers avoid eye contact.
So how can you do it? We speak to Barbara Bloomfield and Kate Leaver, author of The Friendship Cure. They shared their best tips for making new friends as adults.
Make friends as an adult
Before starting to search everywhere for your next relationship, Leaver suggests taking an inventory of your existing relationships. «Very often we lose potential friendships out of complacency, laziness, or fear of rejection.» He adds later: «Do you have neighbors whom you can invite to have a drink? Companions who could meet after hours and get to know each other well? A friend of your boyfriend or sister that you have always liked? «Taking advantage of the relationships you already have, however insignificant they may seem, can be an easy way to start your journey towards new friendships.
Be bold
Forming romantic relationships is about someone taking a leap of faith and making the first move. The same applies to friendships. If you suspect you might get along with someone, have the courage to ask them for coffee or wine or dinner or scones and tea, Leaver suggests. «Most people are delighted to be asked, so shut up the voice in your head that tells you that people will think you’re getting too strong.»
Show a genuine interest in your life
When it comes to interacting with your desired future friend, it is imperative to show a personal interest in what they have to say. One way to do this is by asking thoughtful questions; that is, those that do not lead to a banal and generic talk. «Very often we settle for ‘how was your weekend?’ and ‘Do you have a vacation to come?’ «If you ask appropriate and interesting questions, you could get to know someone better and faster,» suggests Leaver. «Find out what they think of the world, what they are reading, what they would do if they were not in their current job: actively listen and ask more questions. Very often we get caught up in our own thoughts and wonder what someone thinks of us who forget our conversational skills. »
Be open minded
«We often have a tendency to be attracted to people of the same age, who come from a similar background and have similar interests, but someone with whom you have less in common on the surface can offer a different perspective and open you up to new experiences and opportunities, «suggests Bloomfield.
Reveal something personal from the start
Leaver describes friendship as «an exchange of vulnerabilities» and suggests disclosing something personal from the start, as this acts as a shortcut to intimacy, allowing both parties to speak frankly with each other. «Do this and see how much faster a connection to someone feels,» she says.
Be patient when you make friends as an adult
It can take time to form long-lasting friendships, so don’t feel downcast if you’re not someone’s best friend right away, says Bloomfield. Show interest in someone by inviting them to things and staying in touch without putting pressure on them, as this could backfire.
Using technology to make future plans
Just because you are making IRL friends and not in an app, technology is far from redundant when it comes to maintaining friendships and maintaining meaningful dialogue, especially if you live in different areas, for example.
While platforms like WhatsApp can be helpful in following up on dating friendships – that is, telling someone who enjoyed your company and would like to make another arrangement, platforms like Twitter and Instagram can also be great tools for finding out who can. be a good friend. For you, says Leaver, particularly if you are an introvert.