«My boyfriend’s sexual problems are affecting my relationship.» This is how a girl began to relate her relationship problems. And it is that we do not always know everything that happens between two people who love each other. «My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We enjoy a very active sex life. However, some of the things that attract him sexually are abhorrent to me. He likes to be dominated and treated like a woman, with clothes and makeup; and he wants me to act like a man, even change my tone of voice and call him derogatory names. I tell him that it makes me very uncomfortable and he tries to respect that, but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, he asks and I I feel pressured to say yes, so as not to spoil the mood. »
But the girl’s concern was more than evident, as she later made clear. «I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but it seems like the only way he listens is if I tell him my thoughts about it in a very assertive way. His argument is that if I did it more often, I’d start to like him because that’s how he became interested. in the things that I like. The difference is that he had no prior experience with my problems, while I already had an established dislike for his. I love him with all my heart, and in all other aspects of our relationship I am 100% satisfied, but we’re having trouble figuring this out. »
My boyfriend’s sexual problems
The sexual and relationship psychotherapist Silva Neves analyzed this case. At first it seems difficult to find a solution when certain terms are used. That is, if she believes that certain situations are «abhorrent», then everything is more complicated. Of course, in various aspects of relationships, sometimes we have to try new things and compromise. But if he asks you to do something that is really not acceptable, Neves says, «This is a matter of sexual health principles.» In other words, you must want to do it, not just do it to please him.
What is needed is an honest conversation before having sex. Neves suggested talking to him with love, kindness, and empathy. «You can talk about all the other things you can do together but make it very clear that this thing is not for you.»
It also clarifies that you are not asking her to suppress her behavior, you just don’t want to do it with her. «Then you can decide,» Neves said, «to explore that problem with other people and open the relationship to include that; or that she masturbates thinking about it on her own; or that she finds something erotic to fantasize about, so she doesn’t have to suppress it. He has to find ways to express his fantasy, because that side of his sexuality sounds very important to him, so he shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. But you have to think about the limits of your relationship. «