Things you should do before having sex. Maybe recently you started seeing a new partner and are trying to think of great ways to set the scene for great sex. Or maybe you have been with your partner for so long, you are waiting for a review on how to create a more sensual atmosphere in the bedroom. Either way, there is a to-do list before hitting the sheets.
If you want to be really ready for intimacy, consider this as a unique checklist. Here is expert advice on what to do before having sex.
1. Insinuate sex long before you have it.
While spontaneity is often praised, creating some sexual tension long before you get to the bedroom can make the encounter more exciting. Hours in advance will be rewarded.
«Give your partner a lingering kiss in the morning, a flirtatious text during the day, or a suggestive wink when they walk through the door.» This was said by Sarah Hunter Murray, a sex researcher and relationship therapist. «Something that indicates that sex might very well be on the horizon, but it gives you time for your imagination to wander and your body to heat up.»
2. Have the condoms ready.
Safe sex is obviously important, which for some may include protection. The man should have the condoms ready to use before having sex. This was said by Sunny Rodgers, a certified clinical sexologist and sex coach. «And know the correct way to put a condom on your partner’s penis,» he said. «I always recommend buying oversized condoms, as there is a minuscule difference between regular and large sizes.»
3. Store the lubricant next to the bed.
Rodgers called the lubricant «another essential part of the bed» that should remain within reach. She recommended trying «bedside dispensers that heat up the lubricant and are dispensed hands-free so bottles don’t get lost.»
4. Consider the details.
Careful touches to the surroundings help set the mood. Maybe it’s a favorite playlist, dim lighting, candles, or scents, all of which can enhance the experience, Rodgers said.
5. Stimulate your brain.
Especially for women, sex begins in the mind. «The brain is a more powerful sexual organ than the genitals, because that is where the sex drive comes from. Reading erotica or imagining sex play will do wonders for enhancing the senses in preparation for sex,» said Rodgers.
You can do imagination sessions throughout your day in the hours before sex. And don’t forget the foreplay once they’re together.
6. Make a to-do list and then save it.
You are going to enjoy sex much less if you are thinking about everything you need to do. If your mind is constantly wandering towards thoughts like «We need more milk» and «I have to go to my dentist appointment on Thursday,» then you need a strategy to stay in the moment.
«Those things you need to do on a daily basis can interfere with being able to focus on enjoying sex,» Murray said. «So if you feel like things are piling up in front of you, make a list of what needs to be done and then put that list aside so you can just focus on enjoying sex for a few minutes.» The list will remain there in an hour.
7. Do one thing that makes you feel sexier.
Feeling sexy and desirable to our partner is a key component that contributes to sexual enjoyment, Murray said. «So before sex, do something that makes you feel a little sexier and safer,» she suggested. Maybe it’s taking a shower, wearing underwear you feel safe in, or listening to a sensual song. «Something that makes you feel more attractive will put you in a more sexual mental space.»
8. Take a deep breath.
«We are seeing more evidence that mindfulness can help increase our attention and focus on pleasurable sexual sensations, which of course leads to better and more satisfying sex,» Murray said.
Even if you don’t meditate, you can easily separate your sexual experience from your daily routine. «Before you move from your busy life into a sexual environment, take a moment to inhale and exhale a few breaths,» he said. «This will help you relax and get more Zen space for sex.»
9. Start slow.
One of the things you should do is be calm. Most women need approximately 20 minutes for their bodies to fully prepare for penetrative sex. «This means that taking the time to enjoy a foreplay can go a long way toward helping both couples have an incredibly enjoyable sexual experience,» said Rodgers. «Undressing each other piece by piece, kissing each other on the way, is a great way to get to know your partner’s body and set a sensual tone.»
Don’t rush into the heat of the moment. Then you will be more than ready for the main event.